Inspired by 1/6th of Lucas Rizoli’s last UDLS lecture, I will be discussing scientific results related to human attractiveness from the perspective of both sexes. Is there any hope for male grad students in computer science? Why do so many dudes learn to play three chords on the acoustic guitar? Why is pedophilia so prevalent in men? What is the ideal hip-to-waist ratio? Come to this talk and find out or else you will forever be oblivious to why most women tend to date complete douchebags and most men tend to date women that weigh as much as a wet rag.