Date: Fri, 29 Oct 2004 13:52:43 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: Scaring you to drink.

Hello everyone. First I would like to preemptively wish you all a happy Halloween. I know you all have a great deal of work to

do this weekend, but please take at least one night off to enjoy yourself during this week of "wearing a costume means you can

make a drunken ass of yourself without repercussions" festivity. For example, at 8 or so tonight I will be leaving to go to a

friend's wine and cheese. Anyone at Koerner's that wishes to join me is free to come along. You will just need a costume (Not

at Koerner's. At the party. A costume at Koerner's will get you mocked*). Also, while I have your attention, I should

mention that next week will be the first week since becoming beer czar that I will have to completely miss Koerner's. I am

looking for a replacement czar for anyone interested, and if you want you can even write next week's email (although you don't

have to). Please email me if you are interested. I have some candidates in mind but I thought I would give everyone an

opportunity to be involved.

*By me.

So with all of the administrative duties out of the way, I should now provide my regular meeting instructions. Lets meet inside

CICSR at 5pm to walk over to Koerner's. Guys with very big** umbrellas would be greatly appreciated for the walk over. If you

have another party to go to tonight, what better warm up than Koerner's?? If you are studying tonight, what better way to

sharpen your mind than a nice sociable beer? If you are going to sit at home and play video games tonight, you have my

condolences. Come out and socialize instead.

** Read: compensatory***

*** Never mind that comment. I forgot about my old 1 litre coffee mug.

I guess it is now onto the top ten. Despite what seemed to be a brutally simple list to write, this list took a great deal

longer than I expected. Traditionally I have always done an inappropriate list for holidays, and I would like to keep with this

tradition. However, due to time constraints and my lack of funny now, this list will likely not be available today. For those

of you that normally get my rude list, I hope to send it by Saturday or Sunday. If you don't get the rude list and would like

to, please email me and I will put you on the rude mailing list.

I should also note that it finally happened. I edited out a joke that I thought was really funny because it was far too

offensive. Mark this day on your calendars boys and girls: the beer czar finally found his line of appropriateness.

TOP TEN BAD / INAPPROPRIATE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!!!

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10. "Billy, the boy who puts random stuff in his mouth"

9. "The Ass-slap avenger."

8. "The human doobie".....you'll have the costume on for 2 minutes

before my old housemates try to put a lighter to your feet.

7. "Some random guy named Phil"

6. "Man going into diabetic coma due to too much candy"

5. "(Steve) Wilson Phillips"

4. "The Quicksort Algorithm"

3. "The hockey mask wearing sociopath Jason

........Harrison"

2. "The walking sexual lawsuit"

1. "That girl with the moustache from your old high school"

0. A dismembered teletubby

-1. "The human torch"

(painful).

-2. "The human touch.....yourself"

(not so painful but you will get arrested).

-3. a) Dress in a Santa costume.

b) Place bright orange sign on chest "There is no Santa Claus".

c) Walk up to unsuspecting children.

d) When they start to cry, steal their candy and run like hell.

-4. "Larry the dry humping platypus"

-5. "Professor Von Poopypants"

-6. "Reza blade in an apple"

-7. "Kelly Booth's long lost son David"

-8. "Guy caught changing just after coming out of the pool"

Snobby Beer Quote:

"If you drink too much beer and throw up, make sure you are not still wearing a mask."

-- Me. I said that.

David "just call me Larry" Sprague