Date: Fri, 1 Oct 2004 14:41:52 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: Going nuts and nut browns.....

Hello all. Well it has been another week of classes for many of you which means that you have even more work to do than you had

last week. For those of us doing research, it was yet another week of cursing at the Polhemus Fastrak sensor and looking at

code in 640x480 resolution.....or maybe that was just me. Yes, someone in HCI (me) has been coding for several weeks now (and

thoroughly confusing the graphics people) and I have been just about finished with my code......for several weeks now.

I think there is only one real solution to problematic research and excessive course work......No, not more work and increased

focus (that's just crazy talk). We need to socialize. We will be leaving for Koerner's at 5 (in an attempt to avoid the 6pm

line-up outside of Koerner's that will probably continue to happen for another couple of weeks). Lets meet in front of CICSR

and walk over as a "group" (last week we took a three tiered approach to the walk over) and we should be able to get in without

waiting.

Well this week's list had me grasping at straws a bit. I was thinking about "Pick up lines at the gym", "things overheard

during the presidential debate", "horrible things about my RA work" or "lessons learned from my Gilbert and Sullivan Audition".*

Instead, I thought I would bank on the great turn out to this week's Grad Seminar with the following***:

* Btw the only lesson I could think of for that was 1) learn to sing and not have your voice waver and crack like a 13 year old

boy. **

** Oh and don't tell dead baby jokes to a director you don't know, even if the musical director found it funny.

*** OOOOPS. I went REALLY over the top this week. I am splitting the list in 2. You can save one for later like a Twix bar if

you like.

TOP TEN WAYS YOU KNOW A CSGSA REPRESENTATIVE HAS GONE INSANE

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10) Micheline begins speaking in a language consisting purely of acronyms and short form. When asked about this habit, she

simply responds "IDRG ASAP. TTYL. TTFN."

9) He keeps saying he is a representative for "Focus on Women Dating Computer Scientists" (FoWDCS).

8) When that doesn't get a reaction, he makes it more obvious: "Focus on Women Dating Computer Scientists Named David Sprague"

(FoWDCSNDS).

7) The Space representative wears the same t-shirt every day. It simply reads "Representing the Final Frontier"

6) The orientation committee rep keeps on orienting her middle finger in your direction. The space rep tells you where you can

stick it.

5) The ASI representatives and the GSS councilors merge their responsibilities and claim to be "ASS councilentatives".

4) The Beer Czar keeps walking in circles saying over and over, "Must come up with a Penoff joke."

3) Every book in the reading room has been replaced with videos of "The Sifel and Ollie Show".

2) Greg the VP spends the day in the atrium opening and closing his eyes and saying "When I open my eyes, there will be enough

office space for all the grads.......DAMN." *closes eyes* "When I open..."

1) The Tea Czar insists on calling himself Albert despite the fact everyone CLEARLY knows that the tea czar is Mark Crowley.

TOP TEN MORE WAYS YOU KNOW A CSGSA REPRESENTATIVE HAS GONE NUTS

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10) She keeps insisting she knows what "colloquium" means and doesn't think it is just a spelling mistake (now THAT'S crazy).

9) He insists on only flirting with married women in accordance to his position as Grad Affairs representative.

8) One of next year's orientation activities: how to write "BOOBLESS" on a calculator.

7) Your bullpen representative keeps sniffing the whiteboard markers trying to get high. When you explain to him that they are

alcohol based, and therefore will not affect him, he calls you "NARC" and tries to hide the pens in the only body cavity he can

think of.

6) Greg assigns you to office 623.

5) They keep insisting that their CSGSA position is the "missionary position"

4) At the grad seminar meeting this week, the only thing he was wearing was a dixie cup of ice cream...on his head.

3) Jocelyn barricades the bullpens and keeps insisting that you "Socialize damn it!"

2) Countless monitors are ruined when the TA coordinator insists that undergrads fill out the on-line TA evaluations using an #2

pencil.

1) "They told me I needed to make new faculty come to the department. No one said they had to be brought in alive."

0) The decomposing remains of Juan Valdez and his mule are found outside the kitchen when the Columbian dark coffee was found to

be "disappointing".

-1) Their self-nominated new position: Flatulence Czar

Today's snobby beer quote:

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support

group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

--Drew Carey

David "Wearing Ice-Cream is Fun" Sprague