Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2005 13:41:30 -0800 (PST)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads-conf@cs.ubc.ca

Well hello again everyone. Second last week of my term as beer czar. This is one of your last chances to be guaranteed to see

me at Koerner's on a Friday. For those of you that have not been able to make it so far, find out what you are missing. For

those of you that made it last week, I will try and wear pants this time. Last week's turnout was sorta sad and I would

DEFINITELY want to improve upon that this week. No one is off skiing during reading week any more.....although a large

contingent of the women in the CS department are getting drunk in San Francisco tonight. Everyone else that normally goes to

Koerner's: lets show them that we can have as good a time as them, and we don't need to take a plane (although the distance of

the walk to Koerner's might warrant one). Lets all meet in the front of CICSR at 5 and head on over. Trust me. You don't

have work to do and/or one beer will help you work harder. Honest....or at least that is my justification this week.*

* Kill me. Kill me now. Make the pain end **

**.....that or gag Barry so he doesn't keep reminding me that he is finishing his PhD before I am finishing my MSc and we

graduated Queen's at the same year.

So this week's list is related to what I am doing tonight. Sure I could write about my thesis. I could write about the school

or our workload, but instead I am excited to tell everyone that I am selling myself tonight. Yes, that's right. The Gilbert and

Sullivan Society*** is having a charity Bachelor/Bachelorette auction tonight to raise money for the Red Cross. The most precise

description I have found is: "Second Chance at Valentines Day Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction, Auction at 7:30 in SUB T207,

romantic date with dessert and dance included in auction price." Anyways, since this is the first time I have ever sold myself

off to the highest bidder, I thought I would write a list about it. Enjoy. It is a -8 day so get yourself some coffee.

*** Yes. Them again. I requested that the name "Beer Czar" be changed to "Beer and Self-Serving Announcement Czar" next year.

Jocelyn didn't think it would fly, but I think it is a more accurate description.

Key:

A = Auctioneer

B = Bidder

C = Bachelor / Bachelorette (c for commodity)

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD DURING AND AFTER TONIGHT'S BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE AUCTION!!!

----------------------------------------------------

10. B: "It is sorta like prostitution except there is no sex

involved."

9. C: "When we said "bring a plant to make sure someone bids on you"

we didn't mean a ficus.

8. C:"I have to have dinner with THAT? ......Can I buy myself out of

my contract?"

7. B: "You sing a song from another damn musical and I will stab you

with a fork."

6. A: "He likes rampant unprotected sex with multiple partners and he

enjoys getting into random fights in bars.....however, he is a hot

jock. Lets start the bidding at $20..."

5. A: "Do I hear 50 cents??? Come on people. Computer scientists

can't be THAT bad to date."

4. B: "Holy crap!! Five dollars!! Is he guaranteed to put out!?!"

3. B: "Vance is into French acrobatic midgets?? Who knew?"

2. A: "Do I hear $19?"

B: "I bid $1!!"

A: " For the FINAL time sir, you can only bid MORE than the previous bid."

B: "Is $1 more than $18??"

A: *sigh* "....arts students."

1. A: "SOLD for $40 to the ugly guy who needs to pay for his dates!"

0. A: "David, if you hump the leg of every woman who bids on you,

we'll never finish..... although you might."

-1. B: "I bid.....4 dollars 83 cents and some pocket lint!"

-2. B: "Throw in a gag and I'll bid $8!!"

-3. B: "Oh. He's way better looking. Can I trade in my old date for

him??"

-4. A: "Do I hear $-7 for our resident computer scientist?

.....$-8 ??"

-5. *Thinking* 24 /2 + 7 = 19 < 20 years old: "Ten dollars!!!"

-6. A: "I hear $15 from the ficus in the front."

-7. A: ".....she is a 22 year old Taurus. She loves roses, Coldplay,

and killing hobos down by the train tracks...."

-8. B: "I can't believe I paid so much for something so small."

Snobby Beer Quote of the Week:

--------------------------------

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

--W.C. Fields

David "quantifying my worth tonight" Sprague